


Remus and the Fickle Stars

by The_girl_from_the_river



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Animagus Sirius Black, Azkaban, Book 3: Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, Friendship, I'm Sorry, Just to make sure he was safe?, M/M, Post-Sirius Black in Azkaban, Remus Lupin Needs a Hug, Sirius Black Deserves Better, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin if you squint, Sirius is a dog animagus, Werewolf Turning, You're telling me Sirius didn't watch over Remus like he did Harry?, because he'll always wait at the door for those he loves, i'm not crying you're crying, this hurt to write, you're wrong
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-04
Updated: 2020-10-04
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:48:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,930
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26825419
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_girl_from_the_river/pseuds/The_girl_from_the_river
Summary: Remus's first turning back at Hogwarts was unusually mild---This is how it could have gone down if Remus found out about Pettigrew a bit earlier. A story about friendship and how it can be recovered.
Relationships: Sirius Black & Remus Lupin, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 1
Kudos: 60





	Remus and the Fickle Stars

Remus’s first turning back at Hogwarts was unusually mild.

With each moon weathered alone, his wolf had been more destructive, tearing itself asunder in a desperate attempt to end its misery one of two ways. And Remus refused to allow anyone else to be hurt. So his turnings had been vicious. 

However, upon awakening, Remus was not met with the low howl of misery that usually graced him after abandoning wolf form. Instead there was an odd quiet.

Pushing back the perverted sense of peace, Remus did a once-over. He noticed with surprise that he merely had a couple broken bones. In fact, he didn’t see any gashes or tears at all.

The DADA teacher tentatively sat up. There was a bit of fresh blood on the ground, but not very much. It was almost as if his inner beast hadn’t attempted to escape the shack.

His eyes ran over the rickety room. There was a grand piano, and some dilapidated furniture. More dust than usual, but all in all, nothing out of the ordinary. Remus looked around again, not quite ready to stand.

That’s when he noticed them. They were such a normal fissure of the shack, that he almost skipped over them.

Pawprints. Not claw marks. Not gashes in the wood. Soft footfalls of a rather large dog.

Remus almost laughed.

His traitor friend, the criminal on the run, presumably with an agenda, that absolute madman, had still shown up for his turning. Sirius Black. Padfoot.

It was the closest thing to love Remus had ever known.

\----

Madame Pomfrey fussed over him as per usual, muttering about knee-caps and potions. She didn’t seem to know anything was off.

Of course, how could she? She hadn’t been present for his more recent turnings. She didn’t know he’d have been lucky to have an _un_ -cracked rib. She didn’t know he’d become accustomed to bleeding out.

Remus didn’t know if that was better or worse- that he’d been suffering alone.

Even Dumbledore- ever vigilant, keen Dumbledore- had simply given him a perfunctory look-over as if nothing was amiss.

That was the thing, though, wasn’t it. 

Nothing _was_ amiss.

He was back home at Hogwarts. And in no universe could that home exist for him without a black dog and the moon.

\----

Remus was lost. There was no use denying he’d been lost for a very, very long time.

One day he’d been fine. The next, his three closest friends in all the world were dead, and the man he considered closer than a friend was at fault.

So yes, Remus was lost.

But he had made it twelve years.

Twelve years he had been devastatingly alone, and he hadn’t offed himself, nor let his monster consume him.

Black, a worse monster than himself, was back. Remus would be damned if he let him take the only person left for him to protect. He wouldn’t allow him to get within a mile of Harry Potter.

The problem was, Remus had his doubts.

Sirius had spent over a decade in hell. In choking sorrow and pain. And he’d still found it in him to be there for Remus, the second he’d had the chance.

Remus didn’t know why that surprised him so much.

Until James, until Lily, Harry, and Peter, Sirius had never given him any reason to believe otherwise. 

How could that be reconciled?

His Padfoot wouldn’t have done those atrocities. So it stood to reason his Padfoot didn’t exist. Was gone.

And yet, Remus had no new scars from the moon.

\----

His next turning he saw Sirius’s face right before he changed. “Don't leave.” He managed to gasp out.

“Of course not,” was the kind reply.

“I mean after.” He didn’t manage to get any confirmation before everything was white, blinding pain and far-away howls.

\----

Remus awoke alone. Bitter disappointment clogged his chest, and he sat up without thought. He gasped in pain at the ill-advised motion.

Immediately, gentle hands were lifting him, placing him in an old rocking chair.

“Are you okay? How many ribs are cracked?” came Sirius’s concerned voice.

“Forget that,” Remus said. His eyes were screwed up in a light grimace, but his hand still found Sirius’s arm. “We don’t have much time, and I need to talk to you.”

“From the strain in your voice I’d say three. We can talk another time. You need to get healed Moony.”

He said the nickname as if it was the most natural thing in the world. Remus’s eyes snapped open.

“How can you call me that after everything you’ve done? You lost that right Black.”

Sirius visibly recoiled at being branded with his family name. Suddenly, the man was crying. Horrible, wet sobs echoed in the old room. “It wasn’t me. I wasn’t the secret keeper. I would never, _never_ betray James like that. You have to believe me Remus. _Never._ ”

He was shaking, rocking on the floor. He looked so much like the scared sixth-year he’d been when Regulus joined the Death Eaters, that Remus couldn’t help but reach out.

He also couldn’t help the slight wince that came with the motion.

Sirius was on his feet in an instant, not bothering to wipe his still streaming eyes. “We need to get you to a healer.” He said in a warbling voice.

“What-”

“Meet me here on Saturday, whenever you can get away.” The tears had stopped, but his voice was still wobbly. Nonetheless, he smiled faintly.

“Wait, Sirius, I-”

“No Remus. I will not have another loved one hurt.” The _because of me_ went unsaid. He ushered Remus down the stairs. “Go see Madame Pomfrey.”

Remus sighed and let himself be gently pushed to the entrance of the passage.

Sirius winked. “Saturday, Moon--” His face fell as he stopped in the middle of the nickname. “I'm sorry.” he said very quietly, before turning to leave.

“Wait. Sirius?” The haggard man turned slightly. “Take care of yourself.” Remus got a small smile, before the man turned into a dog, and disappeared.

\----

Saturday rolled around, and Remus found himself chaperoning a Hogsmede trip, unable to slip away. It was frustrating. The Shrieking Shack was so close, and yet the problems- and solutions- it held were worlds away from the rambunctious teenagers and young love.

Eventually though, the teacher made his escape.

He pushed through brambles and overgrown branches. This was once a leisurely trail, well-worn by the Marauders as they trudged through the forest. They were never above taking a short-cut even if it didn’t shave off much distance.

Remus let out a string of profanities as a branch snapped back into his forehead.

In frustration, he whipped out his wand and began slicing and burning his way out of the woods.

A plus side of the trail is that it led almost directly to the back-entrance of the shack, which meant there were no onlookers. He could enter without being observed.

Inside, he climbed the stairs, looking for Sirius in the rooms he passed.

He ended up finding him on a mildly-shredded couch in one of the less furnished rooms. The man was curled up in dog-form, asleep. But his rest was not peaceful. He was letting out whimpers and low whines while pawing at nothing in his sleep.

Remus sat down near the sofa, unsure if he should wake the dog.

Before he could decide what to do, Sirius began sniffing, searching out the new scent Remus had brought to the room. Lupin lifted his hand towards the dog’s snout.

The smell calmed Padfoot. His whimpers ceased, and he began to leisurely wag, his tail kicking up stuffing from one of the sofa’s wounds.

His good dreams were not to last, though, A piece of fluff landed on his nose, and Sirius abruptly sneezed himself awake. Remus was startled by the sound, but also by the way he shifted into a human upon waking, as if by reflex.

Sirius’s were wide, and he scanned the room, his breaths quickening when he didn’t recognize anything. His eyes fell on Remus and he just... stopped breathing. Before beginning again, too rapidly to be natural.

Remus was struck with how _awful_ he looked. He hadn’t had a chance to see it before, but Sirius was a complete mess. His grey eyes were not blank, a defence he had often adopted when alarmed. Instead, they were empty. His whole face was sunken, raw with sorrow and lack of sunlight. His clothes were also gross, though Remus should have expected that.

Sirius gripped his knees tightly as he tried to slow his breaths. His nails were ripped, and short. He must have developed a habit of cutting them with his teeth.

When he was no longer gasping, he moved his hands to cover his face. “I’m sorry,” he said brokenly. Remus didn’t think he was speaking just of his panicked waking.

Remus found himself, stupidly, inexplicably, crying. They weren’t sobs. Just small trickles of water down his face. There was silence like that, for some time. Just two men faced horribly with all they had lost.

Eventually, Sirius shifted his head, to look at Remus. “I miss…” _Them. Us. Everything._

Remus stared at him for a moment. He blinked before looking at him with a scathing look he had never- not once- turned on Sirius before. “ _You_ miss them. You _miss_ them. Do you have any idea what I’ve been through?” He let out a cutting scoff. “I went twelve years without one godforsaken friend. Tell me what you asked me to come here for, because I have a job, educating the future. Educating _your_ godson.”

“I do,” Sirius said quietly, leaning back, staring forlornly at the cobwebbed rafters.

“What?” Remus asked, caught off guard.

“I said that I do. Have an idea what you’ve been through. Because I was in Azkaban. I was in Azkaban for over a decade for a murder that absolutly tore me apart.” His voice broke. “I- I can’t... “ he sat up quickly enough to startle Remus. “It wasn’t me. I didn’t kill them. I solemnly swear. I swear on Reggie’s grave…” And then he was crying again.

Remus didn’t quite know what to do. He hesitantly reached out to touch Sirius’s leg. “If you didn’t, then who did?” He didn’t manage to make the question gentle, but it was enough.

Despite the tears still pouring down his sunken cheeks, Sirius still managed to make his voice harsh. _“Pettigrew.”_

“Peter? Didn’t you kill him?” Remus furrowed his brow.

“I wish.” Remus didn’t think he’d ever heard Sirius this hateful. Not towards Severus, nor any Slytherins. Hell, he hadn’t even sounded like this when speaking about his Harpie of a mother.

It left no question about his opinion of the man. There was only one thing that would make Sirius sound like this. He was a dog. You didn’t mess with the ones he loved. Not without snarls and sharp teeth.

For some reason, that was what made Remus finally believe him.

“They only ever found a finger,” he recalled.

Sirius pulled a paper out of his pocket, pointing mutely at the rat in Ron’s hands.

“He’s at Hogwarts,” Remus breathed, repeating the mantra that had so long been associated with Harry Potter.

‘I’m going to kill him.” Sirius said it simply, like it was an accepted fact, like it was as easy a truth as that he was in Gryffindor. 

Remus shook his head. “No. _We’re_ going to kill him.”

Remus had forgotten how warm Sirius could make him feel with just a small smile.


End file.
